Cooties!
by WhiteLadyDragon
Summary: Tails writes a love note for Rouge, but can't deliver it himself. So, he entices Charmy to do it, who seems to have gotten a fear of girls. Meanwhile, Cream aims to ask Charmy out. Onesided affection, silliness, slight OOC, and a teaspoon of crude humor.
1. One

**_Disclaimer: _All fictional entities in this segment properly belong to Sega. I just rent them. **

* * *

**I came up with this when I was playing Sonic Heroes. It's a tale for Rouge x Tails x Cream x Charmy (the thing with Tails and Rouge is only one-sided, though, and doesn't last for too long. Neither does Cream and Charmy, because that's one-sided. So, in the end...) **

**I've been thinking about something else: is this story cliched, with the cootie-thing and all? Feel free to tell me if it is. **

* * *

_**"COOTIES!"**_

_Dear Rouge, _

_Excuse me for not being able to speak to you directly, but I had to find some way to tell you how I feel. I've been thinking a lot about you, since we last met in the Frog Forests, and whenever I do, my stomach flip-flops. I actually like the feeling. _

_You are the smartest and prettiest lady I've ever had the good fortune to know. And I don't think you're all that rotten, no matter what my friends say. _

_The point I'm getting at? All that I am meaning to say is that...I like you. No, I really, REALLY like you. A whole lot. So much that I think I want to melt whenever you come around. _

_I MEAN it. _

_Love, _

_M. "T." Prower_

Tails looked over what he had written with a slight blush over his fuzzy white cheeks. Personally, he wouldn't have considered this the world's best love letter. But the point of a letter like this was to explain to someone how you felt about them, no? So, that was what Tails had done, in the best words his little infatuated mind could concieve. He slipped the note into a tiny white envelope.

Now what? The letter had been written, so he guessed that the next step was to somehow give this to Rouge. How?

Tails paced back and forth under the tree and tapped his chin. "I could just deliver this to her, myself. Oh gee, I'd look pretty silly, wouldn't I? No...maybe I could mail it? Ah, wait: where does Rouge live, anyhow? Does she even have a house?"

Just then, little Charmy Bee chanced to be zipping by, looking a tad flustered. Not very Charmy-like. He was twidding his thumbs and peeking in all directions.

"Afternoon, Charmy!"

"Wah! Wha- oh! What's up, Tailsy?"

"Something the matter? You look flustered..."

"Look who's talkin'! You look as red as a tomato!"

Tails paused for a moment or two. "Say, uh, Charmy? Can you, um, do something for me?"

"Well, I'm not doin' anything right now, Vec and Espio don't wanna play with me, and I can't stand havin' nothing to do...what'cha need?"

The young fox cleared his throat nervously, and handed Charmy the envelope. "I'd like you to, well, deliver this for me, please."

The young bee stared at it quizzically. "Oh, wow! Mail! So, who's it for?"

Silence.

"Hey, who's it for, Tailsy?"

"W-Well, it's for...it's for...Rouge."

Charmy instantly turned wan at the mentioning of the treasure hunter's name. "_Rouge?! _You mean, you want me to give this...t-to a _GIRL?!" _

"What's the matter with girls?" Tails asked indignantly.

"Y-You mean, you've never heard of that really bad thing they carry that we can catch if we touch 'em?"

Tails passed a funny look. "Excuse me?"

Suddenly, Charmy grabbed him by the shoulders and shook him like a rattle. "I'm talking about the _cooties, _Tailsy! Cooties!"

When Tails managed to regain composure, he sputtered, "C-Cooties?"

"Yeah! I learned about it from Vector and Espio!"

* * *

_"All I was doin' was helping myself to a honey and banana sandwich, minding my own business! I was licking my fingers clean of honey and bread crumbs, when I heard Vec plop on the couch. Espio was on the floor, watching Naruto. _

_" 'Hey Espio, how come you spend the day watching that silly ninja cartoon when you're not doing that other ninja stuff?' _

_"Espio must've gotten real mad at that, 'cause he shot back with, 'Oh, you shut up! Like caressing the money in the vault is much more productive! I watch this to learn new techniques!' _

_" 'Riiiiiight...why don't you go, I dunno, out? You know, find yourself a nice girl?' _

_" 'Why would I do that? I'm not interested in girls!' _

_" 'Oooh, what's the matter? You scared of girls, ninja boy?' _

_" 'Shut up!' _

_" 'Oh, come on! You can tell me, can't you? We're buds! What, you scared of the...oh, say, COOTIES?' _

_"Espio gave a shout, and zipped out of the den, right past me, and up the stairs. I think he was scared, because he looked so flustered. But I never got the chance to say anything to him, on account of he locked himself in the bathroom. _

_"I flew into the den, while Vector was changing the channel. 'Vector? What are cooties?' _

_" 'Huh? Oh, just some really nasty germ you catch when a girl touches you, and you lose your manliness. So we guys have said for decades. But I wouldn't count on people believing that anymore. 'Cept really immature boys, like Espio,' he snickered." _

* * *

Tails listened to Charmy's story with doubting eyes. Cooties? He never heard of that before. Was it a new sickness? And why would you only get it from girls? 

"Uh, Charmy? Do you think, maybe, Vector was just pulling yor leg?"

The young bee shook his head. "Nuh-uh! Vector's my friend. He would _never _trick me like that!"

"Ooo-kay...but still, will you deliver this note to Rouge for me?"

"Why would you write to a girl? You don't wanna get _cooties, _do ya?"

Tails could feel that overwhelming heat wave consume his entire face. "W-Well...uh...it's...for...it's a business note! Yeah! I, um, owed her money, so I need to give it back! And a thank-you note!"

Charmy didn't seem to buy it. "When did the bat-lady ever lend money? And how come you can't do this yourself?"

"B-Because...because...ooh! It was for an invention of mine! Please, Charmy? It'll give you something to do! Plus, there's a reward in it for you, if you do! You give Rouge the note, and I'll give you...a jar of honey? How's that?"

Oh, you know how bees are with honey. At the mentioning of the word, Charmy's striped antennas twitched excitedly. "Honey? Did you say _honey?? _Oh man, why'd you have to bribe me with my number one weakness!?"

Tails sighed, then took Charmy's hand and shook it. "So it's settled: you'll give Rouge the 'money', and I'll give you the honey!"

"But I don't _want _a girl touchin' me! She'll gimme the cooties, for sure!"

He had thought of that. That was when he picked up a stick that conveniently lay at his side. From behind him, the fox pulled out string and a paper clip. Quick as a wink, he bent and twisted the clip into the shape of a hook. Then, he tied one end of the string to the stick, and the other to the hook.

"Viola! A fishing rod!" Tails exclaimed, hooking the envelope like one would hook fish bait. He handed the rod to Charmy. "Now you can be approximately seven feet away, and still pass her the envelope."

"Well...okay?"

Tails gave the two-finger salute. "Thanks, Charmy! You're a good friend! Oh, one more thing: whatever you do, _please _don't look in there! I wouldn't like a cent to be missing..."

* * *

Meanwhile, in a bedroom not too far away, a certain spotted rabbit-child stood in front of a mirror, making the final touches: smoothing out her orange dress, and fixing two velvet ribbons of robin egg blue around her floppy ears. Her tiny chao friend hovered over her head, combing her fur with a tiny brush. 

"I guess this is the best I can do," Cream muttered. "But, Mother always said to look your best when you seek to meet with someone."

_"Chao, chao!" _

"I am a little nervous, I'll admit. But I can do this. Asking him out for ice cream won't be too difficult...right?"

_"Chaaaooo!" _Cheese cheered, clapping his wee paws together.

A small smile crowned Cream's fuzzy lips. "Thank you, Cheese. That means so much. Well...better go get him..."

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**

* * *

**_That was part one! Stick around for part two! Oh, and I am open to criticism; feel free to lay it on me. This is my first actual story for Sonic the Hedgehog, so feedback would mean a lot!_**


	2. Two

**_Disclaimer: _All fictional entities belong to Sega. I just rented them. **

* * *

_**Part II**_

Charmy buzzed around the street sign, twiddling the fishing rod between his fingers twice as nervously as when he departed. How could he agree to do this? For a measly taste of honey?

What if fate would be so cruel as to _let _Rouge touch him? To state the truth, he wasn't sure what happened after someone recieved the dreaded "cooties". Vector said that one will "lose their manliness" to the sickness. Though it hadn't made much sense to the young bee, it still sounded frightening. Did that mean his arms would fall off if she poked his shoulder? Or his leg (though he'd always fly to get around)? Or his wings? Or even...his _head? _Or what if it became so bad, he'd up and fall to pieces like a log cabin?!

Charmy konked himself over his crown, which hadn't hurt so much since he wore a helmet. "I need to get it together!" he said aloud. "I'm doing a job, after all, and members of the Chaotix detective agency never turn down work that pays, be it tedious or dangerous!"

Setting his helmet on straight, he puffed out his chest...only to slouch over. "Oh, wait: where am I gonna find the bat-lady? I don't know where she lives." He tapped the rod against his helmet thoughtfully; what would Rouge be doing right now?

Well, she was a treasure-hunter. Therefore, she would most likely be out snatching some fancy...treasure. But where could you find something like such? The bank? A pirate island? An ancient Mayan pyramid tucked in the humid jungle?

The museum?

That last part sent chills up and down Charmy's exo-skeleton. If there was one place he would shun to even _think _of, it would be the museum, the nest of the ultimate demon called boredom. But then, it couldn't be half as bad as catching the cooties.

As he pondered all this over, he failed to notice the young rabbit in ribbons tiptoeing up to him with her chao companion at her side. Her hands were clapped together, and her fuzzy white cheeks were flushed in pink.

Soon, she was right behind Charmy, trying to crack a confident smile. "Um...good afternoon, Charmy."

He turned around, overcome with horror. "Holy honeycomb! A _girl!!_"

Cream fell into shock at his remark. "Charmy, what's wrong? It's me, Cream. I...uh...w-was wondering if...m-m-maybe-"

"Back off, girl! I've got a stick with money tied to the end! Don't make me hafta whack you with it!" the bee yelped, holding the rod out in front in the way a warrior would hold a blade.

She and Cheese jumped backwards at once. What had she done to incite this jumpy reaction? Did she stutter too much? Was it the ribbons?

_"Chao, chao!"_

Cream tried to reach out a hand. "Ah, we don't want any trouble, Charmy! I just wanted to know if-"

"RUN AWAY!" Those were the last two words, before _zip! _Charmy disappeared in a flash, leaving the two alone.

Glancing in all directions, Cream gave a tiny sniff. She hadn't even the chance to state her business, and he had already rejected her. What did she do wrong? Cheese hovered close and rubbed his blue head against her's, in an attempt to give consolation.

_"Chaaooo!" _

Cream wiped a tear from her large, golden eye. "No, don't bother, Cheese. It wouldn't do any good to tie his antennae into a pretzel knot..."

* * *

"...And then she reached out and almost touched me! I'm lucky that I got away in the nick of time! Tailsy, I'm sorry, but what with all the cootie cases running around, I'm having second thoughts about this mission. Gee, I never thought there would come a day where_ I_ would say that, not Espio..."

Tails sighed. He knew this was going to happen, which was why he strolled over to his tool box. He reached down and proceeded to pull out something flat, clear and rubbery.

"What's that?"

"A suit. An 'anti-cootie' suit, to be exact. This'll fend off any 'germs' anyone could pass, should they touch you. Here's the hole for your face...and two for your wings."

"Golly! You're prepared for everything, aren't ya?"

Tails blushed. "Uh...yeah, I guess I am, huh-huh-huh...you have to be when you're Sonic's second fiddle. Need help putting it on?"

Soon, Tails zipped the anti-cootie suit over Charmy's belly, and stood back with his cheeks flushed in a primose pink. "So, how do you feel?"

Honestly, Charmy felt like he was trapped in a caccoon. It was fairly difficult to walk in it without having to waddle, and far less easier to fly in it. But there will always be prices to pay for protection of your well-being.

"Thanks a lot, Tailsy! With this baby, I'll be completely immune to every cootie I come across! Still, I hope there's a lot of honey in the reward."

"Oh, there will be. Just get that letter- no, I-I mean, _money_- to Rouge as quickly and safely as possible." The young fox clapped a hand over his mouth at his slip-up.

Charmy raised an eyebrow suspiciously, but let the matter drop almost instantly; he was not the kind to be suspicious for very long. " 'Kay! If I can find the bat-lady first, that is..."

* * *

Cream sat on a bench, face resting in her palms. Cheese floated at her left flank, trying to cheer his bunny friend up.

_"Chao-chao, chao?" _

"No, I can't give up that easily. Maybe I came on too strong? Mother says it's never a good idea to get too bold when you're asking someone out for ice cream."

Just then, who should be leisurely strolling down the sidewalk with a triumphant smirk on her face...but the infamous treasure-hunter, Rouge? She had just returned from a raid on a Mayan pyramid, and had snatched quite a haul (she did not have it with her, as a good treasure-hunter always kept her spoils hidden in a secret place, like underground or under a rock, or both). She turned her head to spy Cream on that bench, and deciding to take the load off of her feet, she took a seat at Cream's right flank.

Cream glanced up. "Rouge?"

"Oh, hey, bunny-girl! Man, did I do some damage over there! Those creeps thought they could hold me back with their boobie-traps, but I proved to be too smart for 'em!"

"That's nice," Cream sighed.

"Huh? What's the matter with you?"

"Ah, it's nothing." She didn't like being a burden by dragging other people into her problems.

_"Chao." _

Rouge placed two fingers on her chin. "Well, normally I wouldn't care about others felt. But my feminine instincts are guessing that...there's a guy involved, right?"

Cream perked her long ears. How did Rouge do that? "H-How do you know?"

The bat-woman shrugged. "I said it was my instincts. You can never go wrong with instincts."

"Um...well, I suppose that's, um, true. I just wanted to ask Charmy-"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! That pesky little insect? Hon, aren't you a little young to ruin your life with a serious relationship? Especially since that kid's a honey-fueled screwball?"

Cream frowned. "Ruin my life? I just wanted to treat him to ice cream. Only, when I caught up with him, he ran away. I can't understand what I did wrong."

_"Chao-chao, chaaaoo!" _

Rouge nodded in almost a sympathetic manner. "Oh yes, the 'asking-a-guy-out' conundrum. A common problem for ladies who can't wait for him to make the first move...luckily, you're chatting with an expert on these kind of things."

The young rabbit's eyes widened. Perhaps there was still hope for her, yet? "You-you are?" Cheese, on the other hand, appeared doubtful.

_"Chao?"_

"Aw, sure! I've got a couple more hours to kill before my next raid! I'll teach you everything: from stealin' his heart like an emerald, to breaking it."

"Oh, I wouldn't want to break anyone's heart, Rouge. That doesn't sound nice. Maybe you could teach me how to just ask him, instead?"

**_TO BE CONTINUED..._**

* * *

**_Sorry, that was all I could concieve, after all this time. Gotta be sure people are reading this before I dig deeper. _**

**_I think I may need to consider raising the rating to Teen, for upcoming crude humor. And before you say anything, I believe six-year-olds are not capable of TRULY falling in love...but they can have innocent infatuations that are easily exploited. _**


	3. Three

**_Disclaimer: _All fictional entities belong to Sega. I just rented them. **

* * *

_**Part III**_

"I...I don't know, Miss Rouge. I feel so awkward in his outfit..."

"Oh, nonsense! That Charmy would have to be sicker than usual not to like it. Now let's see how you look!"

Cream emerged from behind the tree, twidding her fingers, in an awfully revealing attire. Tight pants, heart piece, stockings, the whole set! Powder clung to her cheeks. She kept the ribbons. Rouge looked her over, from ears to toes, with a finger to her lips. But poor Cheese took one glimpse, and he plopped to the ground, like a drop of melted ice cream.

She shook her head. "Hn, no. Something's not quite right."

"W-well, these stockings are pinching my feet a little-"

"Nope. Those ribbons clash with the whole get-up. Sorry honey, but that's rule _numero uno_ in attracting a man: dress like a real woman, _not _a dorky schoolgirl!"

Cream felt her cheeks setting ablaze like her mother's carrot souffle a la flambe. She was only six! Six was rather young to be considered a woman, wasn't it?

Rouge sauntered up to her and proceeded to gently unwrap the ribbons, only to replace them with two large, blue gems. She set each at the tip of one ear, and started to roll them tightly, like two pieces of carpet. The little rabbit winced in discomfort.

When Rouge finished, she stopped to admire her handy-work, then pulled out a small, pink mirror with a heart adorning the top. "There! Have a look for yourself."

"What?" Having gems rolled into her ears was not only uncomfortable; it was making it a little difficult to hear.

"I said,_ have a look for yourself_!" the bat repeated, holding up the mirror in the palm of her gloved hand. Cream stared at her reflection, feeling ready to burst into flames. Her long, floppy ears looked like two danishes on the top of her head, a gem in each one to resemble blueberry filling. She hardly recognized herself!

_What on earth is Mother going to think if she sees me like this? Not to insult Rouge's fashion sense or anything. _

"Oh, aren't you just the most gorgeous thing! Besides yours truly, of course. And the Master Emerald. Anyhow, I've got another tip to really snagging that pesky bee! Watch this." Standing back, Rouge started to saunter in a circle around her pupil, hands on her swaying hips. "When you see the guy, walk up to him like this. Be sure you put an extra swing in the hips.

"Stop with one foot in front of you, like this. Say 'Hey, big boy! What's a good-looking guy like you doing in a place like this?' Then..."

She reached over and unrolled one gem in one swift movement.

"OW!"

Cheese regained consciousness at his friend's cry. _"Chaaaoo!" _

"Oh, relax! You just unroll one gem like that, then offer him it, like so. This is the bait. To make the most out of it, you should throw in a wink, like this." Rouge demonstrated with the most flirtatious wink you may ever be lucky enough to see. It was so feminine, that a spot of glitter cascaded from her turquoise eye, landing in poor Cheese's.

"You can move your ears freely, right?"

Well, Cream's ears served as two velvety wings so she could reach places that were otherwise too high to. That must've counted. As hesitant as she felt, she nodded.

"When he starts biting, wiggle your free ear like you're beckoning, and pop the question. But you cannot, under any circumstances, do any of the following: stutter, stammer, or pause. Men like confident women. Only don't overdo it, 'cause that intimidates them."

Cream listened to the older one's advice, fiddling with her knuckles. "Um, all right..."

"Hm? Oh, no, no, no. Don't move your hands like that. That shows insecurity. Put one on your hip, and the other to your cheek. This is achieved like so." Grabbing her wrists, Rouge positioned her arms to the proper flirting pose. Cream let her do this, biting her lower lip. She couldn't quite lay her paw on it, but somehow this didn't feel right. Fairly unnatural. So unnatural, she wondered if this was even herself that was contemplating all of this. All she wanted to do was learn how to ask Charmy out for ice cream!

* * *

Speaking of Charmy, he was slinking through flower beds and tumbling between rosebushes (which was a very prickly business, to say the least). In an attempt to blend in with his surroundings, he stuck five or six flowers into his suit, stopping to occasionally sample their nectar. Delivering money was hungry work, after all. Or technically, in a bee's case, thirsty work. 

_Chillax, Charmy. You've got the anti-cootie suit on, you are invincible! Ya just gotta find where the bat-lady is, and throw the money at 'er. Then fly for it! _True. Even with the suit, he could not risk a girl fondling his face. That was one of their favorite things to do, wasn't it? Apart from the meaningless activities of manicures, and combing hair, and shopping for shoes and perfume. They NEVER got important things, like toys! Sure, they liked flowers. But they'd use them for the completely wrong purposes! Display them in expensive, fragile vases? Phooey! Flowers were for collecting pollen from to make honey. That was a much more rewarding purpose.

To Charmy, this was all...unnatural.

And while he was on the subject of how unnatural girls were, he saw _her. _Under a tree, by a park bench, behind the fountain. But, who was that with her? It looked like another girl, a bunny, dressed just as scantily as her. Strange, the latter looked eerily familiar. A chao sat at her feet, desperately trying to nurse his eye.

"Now, repeat after me: 'Hey, big boy! Care for a trip to the ice cream parlor?'"

"Um, okay. H-hey big...b-boy, care for-"

"No, no, no, you're stammering! Plus, you forgot to beckon with your ear!"

"Oh! S-sorry..."

"Nn, don't apologize. Just try again."

For a moment, he felt all that nectar in his stomach curdle into honey. As if it wasn't enough for Rouge to have the baleful bugs! There had to be _two _girls with it! Either it was his hyperactive imagination, or he could see tiny, pink dots crawling all over them.

_Cooties!_

He shook his head to snap out of it. No! He couldn't chicken out now! He'd gotten too far to just quit cold turkey! He was a member of the C.D.A (Chaotix Detective Agency)! They must never quit in the middle of a task, especially if there was a fat jar of sticky, gooey, sugary goodness waiting at the end.

Now to shake off these goosebumps! And to stop making silly references to poultry!

Puffing out his chest, he beat it with one hand, and held the fishing rod over his head with the other. He cried out like Tarzan would, and tumbled out of the bush like a ball.

* * *

All this commotion grabbed the girls' attention instantly. 

"Well, will you look what the cat dragged in!" Rouge smirked. "But, why's he dressed like a condom?"

Cream, Cheese and Charmy all froze in mid-step, eyes as wide as dinner plates. What on _earth _was a condom?

Rouge went slightly pink, realizing that she had said a tad too much. "Ooh. Um, you kids are a little young to hear more about that. Save it for when you're older, all right? Where were we? Oh, yes. Okay, Cream! The time has time! Show 'im what you're made of, and remember everything I've taught you!"

At first, Cream failed to respond. Aside from the natural surprise of meeting Charmy in a rubber suit, the tiny chao in her stomach fluttered violently. Rouge had told her how to do this...but why did her mind suddenly go blank? Perhaps it was because of the look of pure terror on his face?

Maybe she should've kept the ribbons?

Clearing her throat just so, she strolled, or more like waddled, up to Charmy, one paw on her hip and the other to her right ear. She felt like a walking flambe.

The young agent, on the other hand, was practically petrified!

She was seeing a confused, spazzy bee. He was seeing an infested rabbit.

But knowing Charmy, he didn't intend to stand still for very long. Fear gave way to impulse, and the in the next heartbeat, he was waddling away from her as swiftly as possible (as the suit had made it difficult to fly).

"Waaaah! Get away from me, you evil girl!" Now the children were waddling in circles around each other, like two bees communicating in a hive. Several folk chanced to be passing by, and stopped to marvel at the "cuteness" of the scene. Rouge waved her hands to shoo them off.

"Go on, scat! Nothing to see here!"

"Hey, big boy," panted Cream as he struggled to catch up to him. She was proceeding to unravel the deep blue gem out of her ear, wincing with discomfort. "Would you care for a jewel?"

Rouge facepalmed. "No, hon! You're doing it all wrong!"

"Get that grubby thing away from me! I've got a stick! Don't make me poke your eye out with it!" Charmy put on the brakes, waving the weapon this way and that like a sword.

Frightened out of her fur, Cream stumbled backward and landed on her rear. Her outfit kept her from getting back up. Seeing that she was in distress, Cheese zipped to her rescue, whopping Charmy up and down with his stubby limbs.

_"Chao, chao, CHAO!" _

"Ow! Ow, ow! Back off, you dumb...blue, squishy thing!"

By this time, Rouge felt that she needed to intervene. Too many people were stopping to watch. She soared into the middle and grabbed him by the scruff of his neck.

"Okay, okay, break it up! You guys look like you're in the middle of a dork-fight!"

He froze like a popsicle. _Was a GIRL just holding him up by the scruff? _Oh, please let it be just him! He blinked to be sure.

Turned out that it wasn't just him.

"Holy honeycomb! Release me, sick an' evil mutant!" _WHAP! WHAP, WHAP, WHAP! _

He managed to strike her brow that fourth time. She let out a screech and released Charmy, who wasted not a half-second to roll back into the bushes, screaming. He left the rod behind, as it was now infested.

Now Rouge was ready to burst a vein. "Ooh, that little- when I get my hands on-"

She paused, noticing the note lying on the ground. Her large ears twitched from rage to curiosity. This note had her name on it.

She knelt down to retrieve it. "What's this...?"

"Uhm, Miss Rouge? A little help, please?" Cream was still wiggling back to her feet, like an upturned turtle. Cream clutched her finger, puffing and pulling with all his might. Luckily, the bat obliged.

"Th-thank you."

"Well, I'll give you kudos for trying, kid. But...you were a little sloppy on your form, and pretty much everything else." This remark, of course, had Cream staring at the concrete, her little bunny heart aching. Could she do _nothing_ right? This second attempt had gone even worse than the first!

"But look at what the kid left. It's addressed to me." Tearing open the envelope, she skimmed over it, only to have indifference glaze her eyes. "Hn...shoulda known. When will this flood of affection recede, I ask you?"

Beg her pardon? Did Charmy just drop by to give _Rouge_ a love note? He wasn't interested in her, at all! The pain in her heart elevated from a simple twinge, to cracking in two, like an egg. This manifested itself in the form of fat, salty tears welling in her eyes.

_"Chao?" _

"M-M-Miss Rouge? I appreciated your help, really I did. But...I wanna go home, now. Please."

"Oh? I'm sorry, hon. Men can be real pains in the tail, 'specially when you're going around the block the first time around. Would you like me to walk you home?"

Cream shook her head. "Thank-you, but no. I'll be okay. C'mon, Cheese. The sooner I can get back into my dress, the better..."

_"Chao, chao." _

As she and her chao-companion departed in a defeated wabble, Rouge eyed the awkward words on the note. This couldn't have possibly been Charmy's work. The handwriting was so tidy, and the grammar and spelling was spot-on. Charmy couldn't write his own name.

That was when her gaze landed on the signature:

"M. 'T.' Prower".

* * *

**_Phew! Done! Well, the story's not over yet, but this chapter is. The next part will be the last one, I assure you? What's Rouge gonna do to Tails? And what becomes of Charmy and Cream? _**


	4. Four

**_Disclaimer: _I do not, and never have, possess ownership of any/ all fictional entities featured in this segment. I rent them. Characters belong to Sega. **

* * *

**Behold! The grand finale of "Cooties!" Well, part one of the grand finale, anyway. **

**You think the old "police and donut" joke is getting old? **

* * *

**_Part IV_**

Charmy didn't waste any time peeling the suit off of himself, as one would peel a banana. How could he continue to wear it? He could practically see the cooties beginning to colonize on the neck, scurrying on top of each other and giggling in that goofy, feminine way that their carriers did!

For the first time in his life, he had never felt so disgusted. So much was he, he made sure to dispose of it as swiftly as possible, in the nearest dumpster. The one behind the diner.

Charmy would've dusted his hands together triumphantly, but first he needed to cleanse himself of any girly residue. The only way to do that, was take a nice handful of sludge and smear it all over himself. Girls hated trash and things they considered "stinky" or "foul". This fact, of course, made the whole perfume enigma an irony.

The little bee didn't bother to hold his nose as he applied the medicinal slime over his face, neck, and arms. In fact, he inhaled the potpurri of scents heartily, which included mushy banana, decaying fish, coffee grounds, and rotten eggs. His eyes watered like two broken aquariums. To him, it meant it was working.

Unfortunately, a policeman was just emerging from the establishment and lumbering to his patrol car with a sprinkled donut in his mitts. Chocolate frosting melted all over his fingers.

He noticed all the ruckus by the dumpster.

"Excuse me, young man? What're you doing? You're not supposed to be fooling around with private dumpsters!"

Charmy stopped rubbing himself. "Huh? Oh, hey, Cop! Don't mind me, just dumping my anti-cootie suit in the can! As soon as I'm done, I'll get goin'!"

"Don't you read signs? No public dumping! That's a five-hundred-dollar fine you're looking at!"

He peeked over his shoulder. Sure enough, a sign sat taped to one side of the dumpster, some of its words smudged out with filth and graffiti. He leaned in and squinted, trailing his finger under the words he could read. "Public...dumping...fine. Gee, I think you need glasses, mister! It says that public dumping is A-okay!"

"Are you trying to sass me, young man?" the officer demanded, his puffy face turning as red as a ripe tomato.

"That's what it says, honest as cooties! Besides, why would I need to pay just to throw somethin' out? What's next, I gotta pay to smell flowers?"

"_Cooties?_ Ah, never mind. The point is, you're coming with me!" He reached into his belt and pulled out a pair of shiny handcuffs.

Poor Charmy's heart set back on overdrive, as he held up his hands. "Hey, come on! I'm-I'm one of you! Can't ya cut a little slack for a fellow crime-fighter?" His plea fell on deaf ears. The officer crept closer, his ominous shadow smothering his small, bee-like persona.

Now, whenever he faced a dire situation that called for quick and witty thinking...I cannot say he was an expert at that. He was quick, but not very witty. In fact, almost ninety-five percent of the time, he didn't think at all. He just did what the feeling in his abdomen told him. And right now, it told him to point behind the policeman and exclaim:

"Um, say, is that a car parked by an expired parking meter?"

Hook, line, sinker. "Where?"

_POINK! _

_"Yoooowwssaa!"_ the cop shrieked, grabbing his stung foot and hopping forwards and backwards, side to side, and loop-de-loops. In the process, he dropped his half-eaten pastry. Charmy wasted no time beating his wings to take off in circles around his baffled crown. In just seconds, he zipped for the wild blue yonder.

_"You'll never take me alive, copper!"_

Pause.

"...Man, I've always wanted to say that!"

* * *

_Charmy hasn't come back. Gee, I sure hope he made it...did he freak out at the last sec?_

Tails sat under the same tree, under which he had written that silly love note before. Well, now that he was thinking about it, the whole thing was beginning to sound silly. Perhaps he should've kept his feelings to himself? He had so many other, more productive things to do, such as tinkering with proto-types. Or watering his ficus. Besides that, was he in his right mind, entrusting a scatterbrained boy like Charmy to complete this mission?

He wondered- more rather, dreaded- what Rouge's reaction would be. Perhaps myriads of boys sent her love notes, every day, every hour? She was certainly that pretty. That must've meant countless, nasty paper cuts. If not that, phone numbers, enough to compile into an entire Yellow Pages phone book!

Either way, what would she think of his? Would she laugh at him? Take offense and kick his tails until they were black and blue? Or even toss it without even reading a single letter?

He wrinkled his brow, the boulders in his stomach churning. Maybe the third possibility wouldn't be so bad? That way, Rouge would feel neither amused nor affronted.

Tails didn't have much time to contemplate all of this, though. Because just before he was capable of realizing it, he spotted his infatuation out from the corner of his eyes, sauntering in his direction! Just peeking into her turquoise eyes made every fiber of his being reduce to gelatin! The orange kind, not the green kind with fruit in it. Seriously, what were the odds? Briefly, he took the liberty to calculate this: fifty-five to one.

"Tails?"

At first, he was too nervous to respond. So nervous, he felt as though he was perspiring from the inside-out. All he could do was sit there, his two tails twitching involuntarily.

He tried to say hello, but his tongue began to slip like a moose on ice. A squeak passed his lips, instead: _"H-hee-loo, Rougg-eeee?" _

An amused smirk crept across the bat-woman's glossy lips, which only made each and every one of his fibers disintegrate further. "Can you spare a minute or two, sweetie?" Holy Chaos Emerald! She called him a sweetie! Was it him, or did his fuzzy ears suddenly melt off of his head?

She slunk ever closer to the poor, shy fox, until she loomed over him, her volumptuous bust carelessly hovering inches above his crown. Not a very comfortable position, in Tails's case. His cheeks flushed out like two toilets, as he nipped his lower lip.

"Can I...can I...h-help you with something, Rouge?"

"Oh, I don't need help with anything, really. Just wanted to ask you something. I bumped into that spazzy pest- what was his name, Charmy?- a little earlier today."

His thumping heart fell still. It was a miracle that he was still alive! "Uh...yes, Charmy. Heh, heh...gee, wonder why he wanted to..." He trailed off. Denial never got one very far, especially when they were being confronted. But right now, what else could he say? His mind had gone as blank as fresh paper.

Rouge reached behind her to pull out a note, folded into a tiny square. "He had something tied to a stick, some kind of note. Almost poked my eye out; I swear, those Chaotix creeps need to consider putting that kid on a leash."

"Oh, gosh. Are you hurt?" Lord have mercy on someone who dares to toy with the Queen of Treasure Hunters.

"Nah, he wasn't so tough. What really intrigued me, however, was the letter he left behind. A love letter, no less..."

_Oh, merciful monkey wrenches, I'm in for it, now! _

"...And the signature? 'M. T. Prower'? Well, I figured you were the poet behind it. Nobody else I know has that name, after all."

_I'm a poet? _

"Uhm, maybe it was a different M.T. Prower? I find it highly unlikely to be the only Prower in existence," Tails sputtered, keeping his head down so as not to look at the bottom of her bosom.

Rouge only smirked knowingly. Boys were stupidly adorable when they tried the denial trick. "Wouldn't be so sure, hon. You know the saying, 'there's only one of you'." Tails wasn't sure whether that was a compliment, or a joke. He sucked in his scorching cheeks.

It kept getting worse; Rouge knelt down to his level and slipped a hand under his chin. Her touch made his entire face set ablaze! So it felt.

"I'll have to admit, you write pretty well for your age. But I must know: did you mean every word you wrote?"

All fell still. Her face was too much for the boy to bear, especially since it was so close! And yet, he couldn't peel his eyes away from her's, as though she had superglued him to her dazzling stare.

"It's a 'yes or no' question. All you gotta do is say yes. Or no."

"I...I...y..._yeeee-ssssuh_?" Oh, the humiliation! There could be no way Rouge was fond of boys who couldn't answer questions with a straight face.

"Hm...that's a yes, then?"

At that point, Tails couldn't take the pressure anymore. What better to do with pressure, than to go on and release it? "Awright, you shot me!_ I_ wrote that letter! And I meant everything I said! I really do think you're smart, and cool, and not rotten! And pretty, too! I've been thinking about you since that day in the Forests, but I-I didn't have the nerve to say anything before! _I _sent Charmy to give you the note! It was me, all me! I'm the criminal!"

Before he could bare his soul about anything else, Rouge stopped him by placing a finger to his lips. The fever surged throughout the rest of his body, right down to the tips of his toes.

"Okay, okay, take it easy, kid! Wouldn't want you to pop something!"

Tails took a deep, hiccuping breath. "I'm-I'm sorry, Rouge. To be honest, you make me a little-"

"Nervous? Yeah, I know. Nearly every man I've met was nervous around me. It's a gift, I guess. Moving on...I appreciate this note. Really, I do. You've got to be the first boy who didn't beg me to call you. You're a nice kid, a smart one, at that. To say whatever's on your mind is pretty admirable, as well. It's just that..."

Those last three words sent his heart plunging to the pit of his stomach. When you hear someone you like say the phrase "it's just that...", that always spells bad news. He gulped. "It's just what?" he inquired, a slight choke in his tone.

Rouge's eyes darted to the left, then the right, then the left again. "As much as I'm flattered by your affections, I'm afraid...there's no way it would work. I'm very busy with my career, right now, and don't have time for a boyfriend. I just don't feel ready for that kind of commitment, you know? More importantly, I'm almost twice your age. If people ever saw us together...they'd get the wrong idea. We're on the same page, right?"

Hot tears were beginning to brim up in the young fox's cerulean eyes. He kept blinking to hold them back. "In other words, you don't like me?"

"Oh no, it's not that I don't like you, hon. Circumstances are just cruel, and...I'd be lying if I said I liked you, the same way you liked me. But we can still be friends, maybe acquaintances. Okay?" She winked, rising up to depart. Before she did, she reached out to rumple the tuff of fur on top of his head. "I'll probably see ya later, when that thick-skulled echidna friend of yours fights me. Though I'm glad we've had this chat."

One blink, she was there. The next, she was gone. Soaring on the northern breeze, high overhead. Rouge was good at making quick entries, and quick escapes. Still, Tails sat there, rubbing his eyes out viciously, woefully amazed how blunt- yet paradoxically, gentle- this girl was with rejection. He should've known that he didn't have half a shot at her.

He wanted so terribly to take off after her. But in the end, decided against it. Who was he, to want to try holding her down with these businesses she spoke of?

He watched her vanish, with a single tear trickling down his fuzzy white cheek.

* * *

"Come back here, you putrid little delinquent!" shouted the officer, flailing a large butterfly net in all directions. So far, Charmy had managed to evade him, but even little, hyperactive bees grow weary after some time of zooming from the law. 

"Oh, come on! Aren't you the least bit tuckered out? Considering all the donuts you guys eat!" This only angered the cop further, making him jump up every seven seconds to lunge at him. He missed. Charmy soared ever higher, making faces and wiggling his tongue at his pursuer. Sadly, in the process, he failed to take notice of the trees standing in his way.

_SHHUUUDD! _

The cop hit the brakes, just before he struck the plant. "Come on down, you! Don't make me climb up there, myself!" Grasping the net in his jaws, he hugged the tree and struggled to push himself up the trunk.

Now, it just so happened that Cream and Cheese were passing underneath. She was back in her regular dress, but contined to sniffle over the previous events. Cheese hovered overhead, trying everything in his power to comfort her.

_"Chao, chao?" _

"You're probably right, Cheese. It really doesn't help to keep sniffling about it. You can't always expect somebody to do things with you, right? It's rude to even think- huh? What's going on here?" The young rabbit pointed to the tree and the strange sight to behold: a tubby policeman clinging to it like a sloth, and the branches rustling noisily. The identity of what- or rather, who- was up there, made itself obvious from the distressed buzzing and the protrusion of two striped antennae in the leaves.

"Charmy?"

"Don't make me hafta sting your eyes out, copper!"

"Threatening a figure of authority? That's three offenses in one day! Makes me wonder why you're not in a detention center!"

For a moment or four, Cream and her companion stood there watching, unsure what to do about this situation. Charmy looked like he needed help, and although he had been mean before, she still liked him. That was a philosophy of hers: always help a friend in need, no matter what. On the other hand, she respected the law. It was far more superior than she, after all. And much less lenient.

"Cheese, shouldn't we do something?"

_"Chao? Chao, chao!" _Cheese shook his head adamantly. _"Chao, chao, chaaaoo!" _

"I know, I know. But I'm not sure if I could sleep easily at night, if I passed by someone who needed help. Besides, Charmy's still our friend. Come on, I have an idea." She hopped off the scene for thirty seconds or so, and came back with a donut. The kind with chocolate icing and filled with, well, cream.

She handed the treat to Cheese. "Okay, Cheese, try luring the policeman from the tree."

The little chao looked slightly hesitant, but did as he was commanded. He fluttered over the cop's head, jiggling the donut in his puffy, reddening face. He stopped his failed attempts to climb the tree to stare at Cheese, the pastry captivating him like a hypnotist's watch.

"...Well, would you look at this! A sweet, little chao handing me a reward for all my dedication. Ain't that quaint? Thank you, little-"

He made a grab for it. Cheese dipped out of his reach. Tried again. Zip. Before long, the cop began to follow Cheese down the street, trying to snag him in the butterfly net. Cream passed a brief, encouraging nod before flapping her long ears to fly to the treetop. Sure enough, she found Charmy trembling in between the pointy limbs.

"Hey, there. Are you all right, Charmy? It's okay to get out of the tree now, Cheese lured him off."

The bee didn't respond. In fact, Cream could've sworn he was missing the color in his face. His eyes widened to the diameter of dinner plates, as though he'd seen a ghost.

"What's the matter?" She suddenly remembered the events from before, when Rouge was teaching her how to ask a boy out. Had her performance scared him? Or was this because he'd liked Rouge better? A shy, pink blush formed on her fuzzy cheeks.

"Oh, um, about earlier...I'm sorry. I understand if you like Rouge and everything, but all I've been trying to do all day is...well, ask you if you, er, wanted to get an ice cream cone. That's all. No strings."

Silence. What was he, in a trance? Cautiously, she hovered a little closer to poke the end of his nose. "Charmy?"

_"WAAAAAHH! _My nose! You touched my nose, now it's gonna fall off! Why're all you girls so touchy-touchy, man?! Do you _want _us to catch the icky, nasty cooties?"

"Wh-what are you-"

_Zzzooomm! _Too late. He vanished, beating his wings as though his life was on the line. In the process, he blew branches and leaves into her dumbstruck face. Spitting a twig out of her mouth, Cream felt her heart, and stomach, twinge simultaneously. What were cooties? All girls had them?

What had she done wrong that time?

**_TO BE CONTINUED...

* * *

Okay, it looks like I'm gonna need one more chapter to TRULY wrap this up. Is that okay?_**


	5. Five

**_Disclaimer: _I do not, and never have before, have possession of any/ all fictional entities featured in this segment. I rent them. Characters belong to Sega. Also, I don't own Guns 'N' Roses, nor their song, "Paradise City"...though this is not intended to be a songfic. **

* * *

**Behold! The grand-grand finale of "Cooties!" I'm serious, this time. **

* * *

**_Part V_**

Tails trudged down the sidewalk with his head hung down, kicking a tiny pebble with the tips of his toes. He was on his way to his workshop, figuring he should return to his projects. That ought to expel Rouge from his head. If his hands hadn't been carrying a jar of honey (he still had to complete his end of the bargain), he would've had them over his heart, as it still ached with pain, like someone had poked a screwdriver through it. His stomach felt no better.

He stopped to stare at the poor, little stone sitting on the concrete...and decided to walk around it and leave it be. Kicking it only reminded him of how he had been kicked earlier, with the tip of Rouge's tongue.

_Wonder if this is how Amy feels when Sonic ignores her..._

Tails shook his head. Focusing on this whole thing did him no good. Maybe writing that note hadn't been such a smart idea? Delivering it had been no smarter, especially since he couldn't even do it himself. Lacking self-confidence handed him a failing grade automatically.

On the other hand...maybe the whole idea of romance simply wasn't meant for him? Heck, he could hardly decipher its basic mechanics! And let me tell you, there were not many things that Tails could not understand. Rouge was older...perhaps she knew how it functioned? Why else would she tell him that they couldn't be together?

What exactly DID people who liked each other do when they were together? Invent gadgets? Repair gizmos? Hunt for treasure? The only treasure-hunting Tails had done was for Chaos Emeralds, to power machines, or otherwise keep them away from Dr. Eggman.

Tails sighed, feeling like such a confused fool. He hoped his tool box would provide all the solace he needed.

At the same time, Cream ambled in his direction, staring at the ground woefully. If she had learned anything from today, it had to be this: sometimes you should just accept "no" for an answer. Suppose dressing up, or offering precious stones, or even saving someone from getting cuffed, didn't always sway them into saying "yes" to sharing ice cream?

Still, she couldn't help but wonder: what were cooties? That crazy bee had been screaming about them all day.

Either the fox nor the rabbit looked up to see where they were going, until:

_THUD! _

_"Ooomph!" _

Instantly, they fell to the ground simultaneously, with red, puffy bumps in the center of their foreheads. In the process, the honey jar flew over his head, hovering there for a heartbeat. The next thing he knew, the whole top of his head inserted itself into the glass interior. Golden goo, sticky and sweet, trickled over his eyes and down his face and neck. He flailed his arms this way and that, alarmed out of his wits. When Cream collected her senses, she gasped and seized the jar, straining to pull it off. It took quite some time, and quite some struggling and muffled yelping on Tails's part, but they managed to slip it off. Cream tumbled backwards, the jar clutched tightly against her.

"Tails! Are you all right?" she panted.

Tails shook his head, scooping a little honey up with the tip of his finger. "A little sticky, but nothing broken. Oh, no!" he exclaimed in dismay. "The honey! How am I going to pay back Charmy, now?"

Cream made a tiny frown at the mentioning of that bee's name. "Pay Charmy back?"

Tails was quiet for a moment, then sputtered, "Uh, yeah. I asked him to do me a favor, and promised to pay him with honey. You know the Chaotix policy..."

_"They never turn down work that pays," _the children said in unison.

"What did you need him to do, anyhow?"

Of course, he could not answer that. It would only rip open the cut on his heart. Besides, Cream didn't need to become involved. He pursed his lips and licked the honey off of his lips, instead. Cream blushed, realizing that she may had crossed a line with that question. "Oh, s-sorry. I didn't mean to be nosy, I just..."

Just then, who else would drop into the awkward scene but poor, pooped Cheese, puffing and looking even bluer in the face than usual! Not too far behind stumbled the officer, looking purple with exhaustion. You would think that they had just run a marathon all over the city!

_"Chao...chao...chao..." _

"Come back, here...you rascally...chao! I just...want the...donut! Oh, phooey!" Policemen never had much patience for nonsense. Then again, this chase had wiped the memory of Charmy's transgressions from his head, and right now, he really could use a cup of coffee. With a snort, he turned and ambled the other way, dragging the next behind him. The two thought he muttered, "Jeez, I must've lost five pounds, chasing that thing..."

"Cheese!" How could she had forgotten about her little chao friend? Shame, shame, shame! She held out her hands to catch him, the donut serving as a messy, melting pillow.

"Whoa...what happened to Cheese?"

Cream fell silent. Would she really want to drag Tails into her problems? He looked like something was troubling him, at the moment. Tails bit his lower lip, realizing that he had been just as nosy, if not more. "Golly, sorry if I'm being-"

"Oh, no, no, you aren't! It'll be okay, Tails. I've got more honey, back at my house. We'll get you, and Cheese, all cleaned up in a jiff."

_"Chaaoooo..." _

"Thank you, Cheese. You did your best, no need to do anything more strenuous, for now."

_It'll be okay. _Tails focused on those three words. Don't get him wrong, he still liked Rouge, and it still hurt that she didn't return the feelings. But that didn't nessessarily indicate the end of the world, did it? Metal Sonic seizing control of the Emeralds? Now THAT was sure to be the end.

The two stood up together, looking each other in the eyes. Cream may not have known what exactly troubled Tails, but the most she could do for him was try cheering him up. Besides, Charmy had refused the offer, for whatever strange reason, and she had to respect that. Maybe she could ask him again later? For now...

"Say, Tails?"

"Yeah?"

"After all this...would you care to get ice cream, with us?"

Tails couldn't help but make a small smile. Even in the state he was in, he couldn't refuse an offer for ice cream cones, as those frozen treats were almost medicinal. He nodded. "Thank you, Cream. I'd love to."

* * *

_"Oh, take me down to the Paradise City, where the grass is green, and the girls are pretty-"_

Espio crept into the den, interrupting Vector from his singing. "Vector?"

The burly crocodile pulled on one ear piece. "Aw, what is it, Espio? You should know better than to interrupt me when I'm listening to Guns 'N' Roses!"

The chameleon frowned, holding up their little friend Charmy by the back of his vest. He had caught him digging about in the trash can, frantically smearing waste all across his cheeks and nose...and behind the ears, and underneath his helmet. Even now, the crazy little bee flailed his limbs in all directions, beseeching for release.

Vector sniffed, then made a toothy grimace. "Pew, you smell like my socks! When was the last time you bathed, Espio?"

He narrowed his eyes into annoyed slits. "I wasn't playing in the garbage, Charmy was. You talk to him; somehow I feel that you had something to do with it." He placed Charmy on top of his desk, and slunk out to catch the next episode of Naruto before it returned from the commercial break. Vec turned off his music to look him over. "Geez, Charmy. You've always been naturally out of it, but this is rediculous, even for you!" He pinched the end of his snout disapprovingly.

"But you don't get it, Vec! I'm the victim, here! One girl touched my neck, and another touched my nose! It was so gross!"

At first, Vector didn't have half a clue what his young, delusional friend was talking about. He tossed his head back and roared with laughter. "Wow, Charmy! You're just six, and you're already a _charmer! _Just like me!"

Flustered out of his mind, the child got on his feet and shrieked, "I don't wanna be a charmer! I'll change my name, if I gotta, but it might be too late! Now I got the cooties, and I'm gonna lose my manliness! Whatever that means. You said so, yourself!"

Suddenly, Vector realized what the bee was buzzing about, and cupped a hand behind his head. "Ohhh...NOW I get it! Charmy, you do realize that I was just pallin' around with you, right?"

Charmy stopped lashing all over the sofa to stare at the older one, baffled out of his half-wits. "But-but what about Espio? You said he's scared of getting cooties, and he ran off screaming and stuff!"

"Oh, he just did that 'cause I ticked him off, or something. Apparently, watching that dumb ninja show means more to him than going out and finding a nice girl. You know him."

Espio peeked out and made a brief retort, "I watch it to learn new techniques, for your information." They watched him disappear once again, Vector snickering under his breath. "Oh, sure, you do. What'cha trying to learn, how to turn yourself into a girl?" He swerved back to face Charmy.

"But that's not the real point, here. No, the REAL point is, the whole cootie thing ain't nothing but a myth. An urban legend. A fairy tale, so to speak. Still, now that I think about it...I shouldn't really mess with your spongy little bean, like that. Sorry, kiddo."

Charmy's two atennae twitched, then doubled over to dangle in his face, while his giant eyes swirled in circles. This happened whenever he was baffled. It just couldn't be! Vector would _never _mess with his head! Not in this way, at least! "But-"

"Charmster, lemme ask you something: do _I _look like I've lost my manliness? I'm a class-A lady lure, after all; been around the block for a couple of years, now. If girls really had these little bugs that make you, uh, disintegrate like a wet sugar cube, don't ya think I would've melted, by now?"

The young bee scratched the top of his helmet. He did have a point, there. Although he couldn't remember seeing him with a girl...except maybe that mother of Cream's. Still!

Vector picked him up. "I don't blame you. At your age, it's only natural for you to look at girls as icky, or crazy, or confusing. But mark my words, that will all change in a couple more years!"

_I should hope not! _

"Besides, there are worse things you can catch from them than some nonexistent cooties."

Charmy twitched his antennae curiously. What could possibly be worse than those girly bugs? In fact, the nectar in his stomach curdled so much at that statement, he refused to ask about it. Alas! Vector was far more than willing to share a piece of his brain with him, whether he'd ask or not. Carrying him to the bathroom, he blurted, "For instance, have you ever heard of HIV?"

Okay, this took the tizzy to a whole new level! Why would hives be dangerous? Those were the cradles for members of his species, after all! "What do hives have to do with girls?"

Vector shook his head, grinning in amusement. "Nuh-uh, I'm not talking about hives. HIV ain't really a word, all by itself. Actually, those three letters are initials."

"Initials to what?"

Vec cracked open the door. "Oh, silly, naive Charmy. Let's get you cleaned up, while we have a heart-to-heart guy-chat about the facts of life, shall we?"

* * *

Well, roughly an hour passed (or was it one and a half?), when Charmy stepped out of the bathroom, wrapped in a towel like a pig's wrapped in a blanket. But after that "innocent" guy-chat, he found himself petrified. Prickly chills made his stomach- and every other organ of his- quiver violently. Vector had to carry him out; he looked like a pale, epileptic worm in his arms, eyes wider than his own head and antennae curled like curly fries! 

Espio noticed this, and muttered, "Oh, for crying out loud. What'd you tell him, this time?"

"I just told him there were worse things out there than cooties," Vector replied, setting the bee on the sofa. "Perfectly harmless!"

Esp facepalmed. "Please don't tell me you told him about-"

_Knock! Knock, knock, knock, knock! Knock, knock! _

"I'll get it!" Vector answered the door. Who would greet them from outside but young Tails, Cream and Cheese, with a fresh jar of honey between them?

"Oh, hey, kids!"

"Hello, Vector! Is Charmy around? I was supposed to pay him back for a favor he did for me."

The croc looked over his shoulder, peeking at the sofa. "Uh...he's not feeling too good, right now. Just got out of the tub." Espio rolled his eyes, as if to mutely grumble, "Why do you think he's not feeling well?" Vec only stuck his tongue out, then snatched the jar out of their palms.

"Oh, my. Is Charmy all right?" Cream asked, a finger on her lips.

_"Chao," _said Cheese, shaking his head and shrugging.

Suddenly, Charmy sat up, erect as a pole. Listening to that rabbit pricked needles of fear down and up his exoskeleton; it made his antennae tingle, but not in the pleasant way. Why had this girl been stalking him all day?! Did she find it amusing to terrorize the daylights out of him?

"Is that a girl out there? Tell me there's not a girl out there!"

Vector put a hand up. "Charmy, chill out! It's just Tails and Cream and her little-"

_"YYAAAAAAAHHH! LEAVE ME ALONE! I DON'T WANT YOUR HIV, PLEEEEAAASE!" _Those were his last words, just before he dashed out his damp towel and leapt out the window. The entire gang watched in astonishment as he sprinted down the street, dripping wet and naked as a peeled banana. In the process, he dipped in between two cars, directing them to collide with one another in an explosion of smashed steel and alarms.

Cheese fainted. Cream yelped, covering her eyes with her long ears. Tails squinted his eyes shut, trying to blot out the image. "Okay. I didn't need to see that."

Vector and Espio stood there, blinking absentmindedly. "Gosh...you think I should've waited 'til he was nine to tell him?"

_WHAP! _What he recieved for an answer was a clout on the tip of his snout, from two punishing fingers.

"Oh, you_ think_?"

**_FIN!_**

* * *

**_I know, I know. What a cruddy ending! But, that wraps up my first-ever fic for Sonic the Hedgehog. Love it, or hate it; it's all the same to me. _**

**_So, does this mean Tails and Cream were the real couple behind this fic? I'll let you be the judge. _**


End file.
